I’ve been diving deep into astrology this year. I know, I know. Astrology, witchcraft, and tarot are very popular these days, but I swear I was into it before it was trendy. I’ve been exploring my birth chart and learning more about how it contributes to my personality. It’s like psychoanalysis via the stars.
For those that are uninitiated, I’ll break it down: our birth date gives us our sun sign, but your sun sign only covers your basic personality traits. Each planet is “in” a different house and constellation based on when and where you were born. Each planet and house rules a different aspect of ourselves– what we’re like internally, how we present to the world, our emotional lives, what drives us, how we approach relationships, etc.
I thought I was just a Gemini, but I have a lot of water signs in my chart, like Venus in Cancer in the first house. Venus rules our relationships (what we look for, what we’re attracted to), our attractiveness, and what we like to spend money on. The first house is the house of self – how we present ourselves and how others see us. Venus in Cancer in the first house means that I look primarily for comfort and security in relationships, have a love of the arts, like to surround myself with beautiful objects, and that I have a charming and warm personality (nice).
I’ve been trying to understand what this means for me personally. Does Venus in Cancer have an actual effect on my life? My partner’s sun sign is Libra, which pairs well with my Gemini sun. But what’s beyond that? Is there a particular sign that I’m drawn to? Is there a pattern to my crushes or is it all totally random?
I tried to think about all the guys I had crushes on growing up, but I can barely remember their names let alone their birthdays so that wasn’t going to work. On the other hand, I do have a running list of celebrity crushes that I can use. What do all my #MCM have in common, if anything? Let’s find out:
I’ll start chronologically. My first celebrity crush was Mark Hamill. When I was eight years old, I had it bad for Luke Skywalker.
Anyway, Mark’s birthday is September 25, which makes him a Libra just like my partner who is also named Mark. Kinda weird, right? I guess we are who we are and what we like what we like from a young age.
The best part of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade to ten-year-old Ashley was River Phoenix. I was smitten. I asked my mom who young Indie was and she told me. “He’s dead now,” she added. I was crushed, but it didn’t stop my obsession. I pasted photos of him on my agenda in high school and everyone would ask me who the fuck he was. Um, my forever-love obviously.
River was a Virgo. I’m not too familiar with Virgos. One of my cousins is a Virgo and we were really close growing up. Could I have subconsciously been drawn to a Virgo because of familial comfort? Cancer is a sign that’s rooted in the home and family. Virgos are also curious, perfectionist, hard working, shy, analytical, and ruled by Mercury just like Gemini, so there’s that connection too.
He hates this, but I thought my partner looked a lot like Jared Leto when we first met. I can’t quit him. Jordan Catalano forever!
Jared is a Capricorn. Capricorns are, generally, sarcastic, responsible, hard-working climbers. Not for nothing, Mars is in Capricorn in my chart. Mars governs anger, passion, career, and sexuality, which may be why I can’t let go of Jared Leto no matter how annoying he gets. I love him. But I refuse to see Suicide Squad.
Kurt was a Pisces. Pisces is a spacey, compassionate, deeply sensitive sign that can spiral into self-pity and sadness, but a sign that’s also very artistic. In my birth chart, Jupiter is in Pisces, which could explain the attraction. While girl talking with a friend in high school, I revealed my crush on Kurt Cobain. She told me she thought he looked dirty. Oh well. I still think he was super cute. Maybe I also like the live fast, die young type.
Dawson’s Creek started as I was going through puberty, so the fact that I have a crush on JJ should be no surprise – Pacey, duh! He’s also a Gemini just like me! Which brings me to my next crush:
He was a mess for a while, but I’ve loved him all the way through. I would leave my partner for him in a second, our eight years together be damned. Maybe it’s the Gemini magnetism, although I’ve never romantically liked any Gemini man I’ve actually known.
That’s 3 air signs, 2 earth signs, and 1 water sign so far.
I was talking about Jakey with a coworker and she said, and I quote, that he looks like an old dirty man that goes to clubs to pick up younger women. I kind of see it. But it doesn’t change anything for me.
Jake was born on December 19, which makes him a Sagittarius. I don’t know much about Sagittarius. I know it’s a fire sign and the opposite on the zodiac wheel to Gemini which means there’s some inherent compatibility there (Jake, call me!). Sagittarius is a free-spirit, optimistic sign – sounds like traits a Gemini would go for.
Are there any millennial girls out there who don’t like Heath Ledger? His birthday is April 4, which is the same as my freakin’ dad and now I’m not sure that I actually want to analyze my crushes.
Heath was an Aries, a fire sign that’s energetic, independent, courageous, and optimistic.
I have such a crush on him even though he’s basically a dad. I had a dream the other night that he was my boss in a newspaper office and we made out, even though he had a wife. I wonder what that means.
Anyway, he’s also a Virgo, so that’s two for the virgin sign. I’m also seeing a pattern here, physically – dark hair, light eyes, boyish good looks.
I didn’t even realize he was in Scream 2 until recently, so he should technically be higher chronologically, but my severe crush on him didn’t start until I saw Justified. There’s something about the way he wears jeans and a cowboy hat, I don’t know.
Timothy is a Taurus, so that’s 4 earth signs now for those that are counting. People who have their sun in Taurus are sensual, stubborn, dependable, and leisure loving. One of my best friends is a Taurus, so I’m pretty compatible with that sign should Olyphant ever care to leave his wife and start a romantic liaison with me. Just putting that out there.
His birthday is September 3 – yet another Virgo. I like him because he has pretty eyes and nice hair, which I’m beginning to think is my main criteria when it comes to what I find attractive. I liked him even more when he was with Kirsten Dunst because it means he likes women with a little edge to them (that’s code for bitchy, btw).
I thought he was kind of annoying in Nowhere Boy and Kick Ass and then I saw Godzilla and changed my mind. Dark hair, blue eyes – standard tropes that I’m into as you can clearly see by now. For the record, my partner AND my dad have dark hair and blue eyes, so I guess Freud was right.
Aaron was born on June 13, which makes him a Gemini. Maybe I’m just really attracted to my own sign and therefore myself? That seems like a Gemini way to be.
Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino
I loved him on Community. I loved him even more after listening to his albums. Oddly enough, he has the exact same birthday as Mark Hamill, making him a Libra. He has a way with words as a writer, so it’s obvious that a wordy Gemini like me would be into him.
You know what movie made me think he was attractive? Not Animal Kingdom. Not Warrior. Nope, it was The Gift. Have you seen how he looks in The Gift? It wasn’t just physical though, that movie was one of the best domestic thrillers I’ve seen in years and he wrote and directed it.
Joel is a Cancer – the second water sign on this list. Since my Cancer is in Venus, this is pretty self-explanatory.
I swear, I thought I walked by ASAP at Black Market in Toronto one random day in May. I don’t know if it was actually him or not, but he turned around too so in my dreams it was a missed connection. I first saw him in a Lana Del Rey music video and thought he was a babe. He really is absolutely gorgeous. And he has an October 3rd birthday, which makes him a Libra – a good match for my Gemini sun.
Dave Franco is the superior Franco, in my honest opinion. He’s funnier, friendlier, and cuter than James these days, but he’s a Gemini so that may be why.
I just found out that Harry Styles is only 23 years old. TWENTY THREE. I thought he was at least 27?! It makes me feel like a huge creep, but I still have a crush on him. He also looks a lot like River Phoenix from certain angles.
Harry’s February 1st birthday makes him an Aquarius. I’ve never really gotten along with that sign in real life, but it’s a sign that’s has a humanitarian streak and is original and communicative. Harry and I could talk about, like, life and shit so maybe that’s the attraction. Another point for dark hair and light eyes too.
Josh Tillman aka Father John Misty
I was listening to Father John Misty at work one day and a coworker asked what he looked like. I said a serial killer. It’s the beard. His music is so good that I can’t not have a crush on him. He was born on May 3, making him a Taurus like Olyphant.
I’m not sure that I gained much beyond physical attributes. Plus I’m working with celebrity personas here. I have no idea what these people are like in real life. But if we’re going just on the physical, then I clearly go for guys with dark hair and light or expressive eyes, pretty boy looks, and a nice smile. A penchant for live fast, die young bad boy sad boys is also fairly evident.
In terms of astrological signs here’s how it broke down:
It looks like air rules all! Even with a Venus in Cancer, I’m most attracted to air signs. It’s all about cerebral communication when it comes to my heart, I suppose. Although earth signs are up there too, which makes more sense with Venus in Cancer. Cancer looks for security and stability and what’s more stable than a grounded earth sign?
What did I learn though? Not much that I didn’t already kind of know. I think starting out with crushes on actors has made me gravitate towards celebrities more than real people when it comes to my affections. Maybe I like the drama best of all.
Special shout outs to: Mark Ruffalo (Sagittarius), The Weeknd (Aquarius), Joseph Gordon Levitt (Aquarius), Michael B. Jordan (Aquarius), Matthias Schoenaerts (Sagittarius), Viggo Mortensen (Libra), Dana Ashbrook (Gemini), Oscar Isaac (Pisces), Nicholas Hoult (Sagittarius), Wes Bentley (Virgo), Adam Driver (Scorpio), Bobby Cannavale (Taurus), Cary Fukunaga (Cancer), Idris Elba (Virgo), Charlie Hunnam (Aries), Jamie Foxx (Sagittarius), Kit Harington (Capricorn), and Christoph Waltz (Libra). I love you all, I just couldn’t come up with anything funny to say.